Shropshire Crimbo Light Switch-on Guide

Right you lot, grab your big girl knickers, your tit warmers, and dust off those sparkly jumpers, ’cause it’s Christmas light switch-on season!

If you fancy freezing your baubles off while a tree shines brighter than your aunt after two mulled wines, here’s when the chaos begins:

* Market Drayton – Sat 15 Nov @ 5 pm
* Shrewsbury – Wed 19 Nov (lights 6:30 pm, chaos from 4:30 pm)
* Oswestry – Thu 20 Nov @ 6:30 pm
* Whitchurch – Sat 22 Nov @ 6 pm
* Bridgnorth – Fri 28 Nov @ 6 pm
* Ludlow – Sat 29 Nov @ 5:30 pm (Winter Fest – sausage rolls optional)
* Craven Arms – Sat 29 Nov @ 4:30 pm
* Wellington – Sat 29 Nov @ 5 pm

So bring your dodgy Santa hat, your “coffee” flask (wink), and your best fake carol-singing voice because the season of tinsel and tipsiness is upon us! 🎅

#ChristmasLights#ShropshireSwitchOn#Shropshire#TinselAndChaos#CravenArms

Five Frightfully Free Fun things to do this Halloween in Telford!

OI, YOU LOT!

If you’re skint but still up for a scream this Halloween, I’ve sniffed out the best free spooky shenanigans around Telford. From glowing bike rides to creepy woodland wanders, there’s loads going on so grab your goblins, chuck on a costume, and get out there before I gas the lot of ya!

1. Apley Woods – “Wild Telford Halloween Special”
Wander the woods for a frightfully fun family day — potion-making, creepy crafts, marshmallows and spooky trails galore. Nature + nonsense = perfect combo!
www.shropshirewildlifetrust.org.uk

2. Wellington – “Witches of Wellington” Halloween Trail
Grab a map, hunt the witches hiding in shop windows, and bag a treat at the end. Witch way to the Orbit Cinema? That way!
https://tinyurl.com/Shropshire-Star

3. Telford Bike Hub – Halloween Glow Ride
Light up the night and ride like a ghost with glowing bikes, silly costumes, and hot chocolate at the finish. Spook-tacular stuff!
Discover more at www.ticketstelford.com/whats-on/

4. Telford Centre – Haunted Halloween Spooky Trail
A family-friendly hunt through the shops – solve the puzzles, grab your sweet treat, and don’t get spooked by the mannequins!
For details have a gander at www.telfordcentre.com/whats-on/events/

5. Allscott – Free Halloween Fancy Dress Disco
Get your ghoulish glad rags on and dance the night away! Fancy-dress prizes, tunes, and treats for all ages. Time to bust a boo-gie!
It takes place at Allscott Sports Club
Have a gawp at https://allevents.in/…/halloween-fancy…/200028988941220

So there you have it — five free ways to get spooky without scaring your wallet.

All my love, kisses, and farts,

From the Wrekin Giant

x

Gold for Good: Mental Health Funding Open!

It’s me, the Wrekin Giant – just peeked over me hill with a right cracking opportunity for all you local legends! 🧐

There’s a whopping £20,000 up for grabs in the Community Mental Health Fund, and this round’s all about our older folk – the legends with the best stories, the strongest tea, and the softest biscuits 🍪❤️

💥 Big thanks to the brilliant bunch at Community Foundation for Shropshire – they’re putting real money on the table to support local projects in #Shropshire, Telford & Wrekin 💰

It’s like gold at the end of the rainbow but real, and no leprechauns involved 🌈

📅 Deadline: 21st July

🚫 No faffing. No dithering. Just action.

Let’s give our golden oldies the support they deserve – with a bit of Giant-sized care 💪

🔗 Discover more: https://tinyurl.com/yc64p276

🦶 Go do something brilliant – I’ll be clapping from the clouds!

Happy Father’s Day

Big love to all the dads, grandads, stepdads, father-figures — and the single mums smashing it solo, wearing all the hats (even the flat cap of fatherhood).

You build legends with roast dinners, duct tape, and dodgy jokes.
You show up, stand tall (even when knackered), and love loud.

Whether you’re dishing out life lessons, dodgy jokes, or emergency snacks from a coat pocket — today’s your day.

So raise a brew. You’re giants in your own right.

With love and loud appreciation,
Me – The Wrekin Giants’ Fart Fumes

Shrewsbury Quarry

Oi oi, it’s ya boy — the Wrekin Giants’ Fart Fumes.

Got bored stomping round me hill so I snuck into Shrewsbury for a cheeky wander. Ended up in the Quarry. Lovely place. Didn’t squash too many humans this time, so that’s progress.

Had a stroll, swung my arse through the Dingle (fancy garden, not a euphemism… this time), and nearly fell asleep on a flowerbed. Big ups to the groundskeeper — whoever trimmed those hedges, they’re now shaped like a majestic pair of buttocks. You’re welcome.

Watched the Sabrina boat float by like some smug aquatic baguette. Gave it a wave. Boat nearly capsized. People screamed. Classic.

Spotted a duck doing unspeakable things to a croissant (someone call a priest).

Ate five ice creams and a blue tit. Stole someone’s picnic (they weren’t guarding it, fair game). Even tried flirting with one of them bronze statues — turns out it was an actual old bloke sunbathing. He’s alright now. I gave him a Werther’s and a pat on the head.

Anyway, cracking day. No arrests this time. Might come back next week and skinny dip in the Severn. Shrewsbury you’ve been warned.

Missing Wrexham Signs

🚨 Missing: 8 Magnetic Signs – Last Seen Minding Their Own Business 🚨

To the good folk of Wrexham,

The whispers have reached even the highest hilltops and deepest echoing caves…

Eight Wrexham Council magnetic signs, gone without a trace from Rhos Library. Stolen! Whisked away like a seagull stealing chips.

Let me be clear: I had nothing to do with it (my fridge isn’t even magnetic—I once hugged a fridge and it didn’t stick at all), but I’m deeply concerned.

So I’m launching my own giant-scale investigation:
✅ Checked under my toenails – nothing
✅ Looked behind the waterfall – just a soggy badger
✅ Questioned Kevin the crow – he’s staying suspiciously silent and polishing something shiny…

If YOU see some shiny Wrexham Council signs somewhere they shouldn’t be, let the human authorities know (email enya.bellis-jones@northwales.police.uk). In the meantime, I’ll keep looking under suspicious hills and large sheep.

Yours gigantically (and totally innocently),

Me! The Wrekin Giants’ Fart Fumes — powered by folklore and questionable soup

The Drop Outlet has dropped off

The Drop Outlet, Southwater, Telford Town Centre, Telford, Shropshire, TF3 4BX

INCASE YOU MISSED THE NEWS: Telford’s The Drop Outlet Has Dropped Off!

Well, hold onto your knickers, Telford, because the sacred land of random bargains, weird gadgets, and bells that say “Ring for Sex” has SHUT ITS DOORS! That’s right, The Drop Outlet in Telford Town Centre has officially dropped… off the face of the retail map.

Now, as the Wrekin Giants’ Fart Fumes, I’ve trunched through many shops in my day — but none quite like this magical maze of madness. You go in for a gander and come out an hour later with a disco light, fake moustache, fake tan three shades too orange, and a spiritual awakening.

But now… it’s GONE. Poof. Just like my dignity after eating dodgy kebabs. Was it a money-hungry landlord who decided “you know what this shopping centre needs? More cobwebs and sadness!” Or did the staff finally get fed up with explaining “no we don’t do refunds for novelty willies”? Who knows the reason the shop shut? What I do know is: it’s a flippin’ shame.

Where are we supposed to get our last-minute Christmas gifts, now?!

May be an image of text that says "THE DROP OUTLET CLOSED SED"

Now the big question is… WHAT’S NEXT FOR THAT SPACE?!

• Left-Handed Spoon & Fork Depot?
• A Short Sleeve Shirt Shop?
• A Leftover Leftovers Takeaway?
• A shop that ONLY sells giant underpants? (asking for a mate. Me. I’m the mate.)
• A Greggs the size of Asda?

So tell me, Telfordians — what do YOU want to see replace it? Drop your thoughts below like prices used to drop in that glorious shop. ⬇️

RIP, The Drop Outlet.
You were weird, wild, and bloody wonderful.
We barely understood you, but we loved you deeply.

– The Wrekin Giants’ Fart Fumes (still lost in the drop outlet one-way system – send help and snacks)

B&M (Wrekin Retail Park)

Review of B&M, Wrekin Retail Park, Wellington, Telford, TF1 2DE

Hello me fellow Salopians!

Word on the wind (and Facebook) is that there’s a brand spanking new B&M at Wrekin Retail Park. It’s taken over from Homebase and it rocked up last week like MP Shaun Davies launching a local election campaign – loud, over-prepared, and definitely wearing a rosette.

Naturally, I stomped down for a nosy due to part curiosity, and part urge to sniff scentless candles and silently judge a lampshade. And let me tell you… it’s CUSHTY.

The shop is so big, you’ll need to pack a lunch to do it properly. It has two floors (posh), its own garden centre (with real flowers) and is rammed to the roof with useless kitchen gadgets, knock-off Yankee candles, 17 types of notepads… and bedding that hugs you back. It’s bladdy brilliant!

Or is it?!

Well I can tell yee, it’s not all bargain rainbows and gravy dreams. When I ventured in it was hotter than Satan’s armpit (and believe me I know what that’s like)! There was no air con (or if there was, it spiritually left the building). No escalator — just sweaty, judgemental stairs. And not even a lift (would 100% of farted in one though, if found).

I laughed. I sweated. I spent £74.36 and only remember about £3 of it.

I went in for bald head polish and a cheeky swig of grog.

Came out with:

🧻 Baby wipes (no baby, just vibes)
🍺 A 6-pack of B&M’s finest lager (tastes like pride and petrol)
💨 A Whoopee Cushion (do not sit on it if you value your dignity)

So go on – get yourself down there.

Have a mooch. Sweat a bit. Leave £60 poorer, but spiritually fulfilled.

And with all the balloons, posters and grand opening hype, I’ve gotta say — spare a thought (and penny) for the poor shops nearby. B&M didn’t just open, it swaggered into town like Home Bargains’ flash cousin back from Dubai. Home Bargains has lost customers – staff have been clinging to mops for emotional support, watching their loyal shoppers leg it to B&M like traitors at a family BBQ. Now Home Bargains is quieter than your ex’s inbox!

I give B&M 8/10 (and the grog 11/10)!

Get your ass down there!

Local Legend Reawakens

Breaking news!

After a long long nap caused by:
☁️ eating 47 pickled eggs,
⛰️ getting wedged under the Wrekin,
💨 and knocking meself out with me own fart fumes…

I. HAVE. RETURNED!

Yes, Shropshire—The Wrekin Giants’ Fart Fumes is BACK online and ready to unleash unfiltered nonsense across Telford, Shrewsbury, and anywhere within sniffing distance.

If you like your content big, loud, and suspiciously scented, follow me for:
🔍 Unsolicited reviews of local businesses (Telford chippies beware)
📰 Local news – as seen through my eyes and blasted out me arse
🧠 Deep and mostly useless thoughts (why does Shrewsbury have 18 types of bread?)
💩 Gossip, tales, and the occasional wind-assisted prophecy

I’m on all the socials—Instagram, Facebook, TikyToky, Threads, Bluesky, even the cursed bird app—so give us a follow or I’ll send me pigeons to redecorate every statue in Telford.

Jungleland Telford

Review of Jungleland, Trench Lock, Telford, TF1 6SZ.

If you would like a nice, quiet and tranquil space to relax in, then don’t come to Jungleland! If however, you are ready for noise, rowdiness and excitement… then come on down!

Your little monkeys will love this “animal themed” play zone . There are 2x separate areas for small/big children, plus a sensory room and a “Jungleland Express” train that leaves regularly throughout the day. Children can enjoy the experience of a safari adventure and it’s a great way for them to play and burn off energy too!

Whilst you may expect to pay an entry fee for your child to enter, some of you may find it shocking that adults are charged an entry fee too! Although this charge is minimal, it can create negative first impressions. Note: Other places like the Wacky Warehouse don’t charge adults to enter, so why do Jungleland feel the need to apply this charge? Since children cannot attend without adults, surely adults should be allowed to accompany their child for free?!

Jungleland is also very commercialised, so don’t be surprised if your children come nagging you for more money! For extra coins they can play golf or hockey, have a game of bowling, buy a gift or ride on a jeep! Some families won’t mind this, but others will!

If you are hungry or thirsty, then check out their “Little Chimps Cafe”. There is a good menu choice on offer and prices are very reasonable too! Warning: Be prepared to get annoyed by there “£5 minimum spend” policy, if you are paying by card!

If your little ones are due to celebrate a birthday, then Jungleland can help you out! They can provide party rooms, party food and even party leaders! I’m sure your children will have a “roaring” good time!

If you are looking to expand your fun, then check out the other events which Jungeland run! From dance classes to animal encounters, this place is a real little centre alive with activities!

I give this place 8/10! Mainly because it could accommodate adults more (i.e. provide more comfortable seats, sockets to plug-in a laptop & newspapers to read).

From a business sense:

  • Jungleland could do with a nice big TV to keep adults entertained and to promote there events, classes & term time offers (they could also use this to play nature videos in the background and this would continue the safari theme).
  • To generate more money from their “Little Chimps Cafe” they could benefit by displaying big posters around the kiosk to promote the food & drink on offer (so that people sitting at the tables can see what is on offer from afar).
  • There Twitter account @Junglelandinfo could be better used (it’s not been updated since 2016!!!).

On the whole it’s nice to see a company that “helps” charities. Also with a large number of children being obese and many at home playing on computers or watching the TV, it’s nice to see a business promoting physical activity and a love for nature!

Easter 2019.