Jungleland Telford

Review of Jungleland, Trench Lock, Telford, TF1 6SZ.

If you would like a nice, quiet and tranquil space to relax in, then don’t come to Jungleland! If however, you are ready for noise, rowdiness and excitement… then come on down!

Your little monkeys will love this “animal themed” play zone . There are 2x separate areas for small/big children, plus a sensory room and a “Jungleland Express” train that leaves regularly throughout the day. Children can enjoy the experience of a safari adventure and it’s a great way for them to play and burn off energy too!

Whilst you may expect to pay an entry fee for your child to enter, some of you may find it shocking that adults are charged an entry fee too! Although this charge is minimal, it can create negative first impressions. Note: Other places like the Wacky Warehouse don’t charge adults to enter, so why do Jungleland feel the need to apply this charge? Since children cannot attend without adults, surely adults should be allowed to accompany their child for free?!

Jungleland is also very commercialised, so don’t be surprised if your children come nagging you for more money! For extra coins they can play golf or hockey, have a game of bowling, buy a gift or ride on a jeep! Some families won’t mind this, but others will!

If you are hungry or thirsty, then check out their “Little Chimps Cafe”. There is a good menu choice on offer and prices are very reasonable too! Warning: Be prepared to get annoyed by there “£5 minimum spend” policy, if you are paying by card!

If your little ones are due to celebrate a birthday, then Jungleland can help you out! They can provide party rooms, party food and even party leaders! I’m sure your children will have a “roaring” good time!

If you are looking to expand your fun, then check out the other events which Jungeland run! From dance classes to animal encounters, this place is a real little centre alive with activities!

I give this place 8/10! Mainly because it could accommodate adults more (i.e. provide more comfortable seats, sockets to plug-in a laptop & newspapers to read).

From a business sense:

Jungleland could do with a nice big TV to keep adults entertained and to promote there events, classes & term time offers (they could also use this to play nature videos in the background and this would continue the safari theme).
To generate more money from their “Little Chimps Cafe” they could benefit by displaying big posters around the kiosk to promote the food & drink on offer (so that people sitting at the tables can see what is on offer from afar).
There Twitter account @Junglelandinfo could be better used (it’s not been updated since 2016!!!).

On the whole it’s nice to see a company that “helps” charities. Also with a large number of children being obese and many at home playing on computers or watching the TV, it’s nice to see a business promoting physical activity and a love for nature!

Easter 2019.

Home Bargains has it all!

Review of Home Bargains, Wrekin Retail Park, Telford, Shropshire.

Well if you wanna bag yourself a bargain then get yourself to Home Bargains! There are bargains screaming from every shelf and isle. Whether you need loo roll to wipe your arse, food to fatten your belly or fake plants to water, this place has got it!

If you wander down the toiletry isle, their are lotions and potions available, so if you wanna eradicate those blackheads or kiss goodbye to those nits, come grab yourself a bargain! There are ailments for snotty noses, cures for bad breath and even tablets to stop you farting! Hoorah!

If you wanna look like a beauty icon, come part with your much loved cash; you can buy mud to stick on your face and charcoal to stick on your teeth …. you wont feel robbed of your money at all!

If it’s things for the home you are after, there is washing powder for your glad rags and “Comfort” in a bottle – you can get rid of those skidders in no time!

There is also a range of food on offer, from “Smog Balls” to suck on and lollies to lick you will only be sorry that you didn’t come sooner.

So come support this wonderful business and grab a bargain today!

April 2019

Wetherspoons of Wellington

Review of The William Withering (Wetherspoons), New Street, Wellington, Telford, Shropshire, TF1 1LU.

Well if you fancy getting high on tea or coffee then get your ass to Wetherspoons! In exchange for £1.30 you can get yourself a nice tasty brew! The cups are refillable but the only snag is, you have to make the drink yourself! *Cue evil laugh!*

If it’s a cheap night out you are after then this place can equip you with everything you need to get rat-arsed; with cheap drinks, bottle offers and even cocktail jugs, you too can have sex on the beach without breaking the bank!

Warning: Careful how much you guzzle, it’s a long trek and steep climb to the toilet (there is also a toilet downstairs for people with disabilities).

So at “Spoons” (as we “hip” ones like to call it!) there are plenty of seats to choose from and there’s even some nice large windows to look out from, if you fancy having a good old nosey at the town and the people passing by that is!

In the winter months their is usually a cushty warm fire going – so if you need a place to warm your tits up, then here it is!

The menu choices are reasonable. This pub has a 5*hygiene rating too, which means staff don’t pick their nose whilst cooking your food! Infact, you can have a good gorp at the chefs cooking your meal, as you can literally see into the kitchen through the serving hatch! How very exciting!

The staff are always helpful and friendly, but if you can’t be arsed to talk to them, or you are just plain anti-social, then simply download the Wetherspoons app and place your order via your phone instead! Job done!

If you like local history then this place is a feast for your eyes (as well as your belly)! There are portraits & facts about Wellington dotted about everywhere (each time you go in there you will probably spot something new)!

If it wasn’t for this place I would have no idea who Dr William Withering was; this dude was born in Wellington and he discovered “digitalis” (no “digitalis” is not the name of an STD, or linked with digital stuff in anyway, it is infact the name of a new cure he found to help treat heart disease)! Crikey! This man is a Saint!

Well done “Spoons” for doing your bit for Wellington! It’s nice to see a national pub chain, have such a local presence! Now get your ass in there!

Here is a portrait of the delicious Dr William Withering:

Thanks for reading!

The “Welcome to Telford” signs

So I thought it was about time to write a blog about the new “Welcome to Telford” signs dotted about the place. What do people really think of these signs? Did the Council make the right decision spending money on these or should the money have been spent on something more worthwhile instead?

Personally, I have seen road signs in Telford that have been graffited on, signs that are half missing and signs that aren’t even there! There are signs covered with leaves, signs that are filthy (and which could do with a good old clean), signs that are too faded to read and even signs that are wonky! Why?!

The new welcome to Telford signs may look pretty but surely it’s logic to attend to the signs we already have, if they are failing to be signs?! How can the postman, papergirl or even emergency services for example, find a street if the signage is inadequate? What impression do these poorly signs give visitors about our town and how nurturing are these for residents? How can traffic signs do their job of reducing road accidents if they can’t even be seen?

The new signs were also funded by the £2 million Telford 50 Legacy Fund. Wouldn’t the money have made more impact, helping our local charities, schools, business start-ups, victims, homeless people, drug addicts etc instead? Budgets are already stretched for many organisations, and many of these are crying out for money, so why squander it on unnecessary signs?!

Were the new signs also installed at the right locations? One of the new signs (on B5061 Holyhead Road) for example, has been positioned close to another sign also welcoming people to Telford! What’s the point of that?!