Happy Father’s Day

Big love to all the dads, grandads, stepdads, father-figures — and the single mums smashing it solo, wearing all the hats (even the flat cap of fatherhood).

You build legends with roast dinners, duct tape, and dodgy jokes.
You show up, stand tall (even when knackered), and love loud.

Whether you’re dishing out life lessons, dodgy jokes, or emergency snacks from a coat pocket — today’s your day.

So raise a brew. You’re giants in your own right.

With love and loud appreciation,
Me – The Wrekin Giants’ Fart Fumes

Shrewsbury Quarry

Oi oi, it’s ya boy — the Wrekin Giants’ Fart Fumes.

Got bored stomping round me hill so I snuck into Shrewsbury for a cheeky wander. Ended up in the Quarry. Lovely place. Didn’t squash too many humans this time, so that’s progress.

Had a stroll, swung my arse through the Dingle (fancy garden, not a euphemism… this time), and nearly fell asleep on a flowerbed. Big ups to the groundskeeper — whoever trimmed those hedges, they’re now shaped like a majestic pair of buttocks. You’re welcome.

Watched the Sabrina boat float by like some smug aquatic baguette. Gave it a wave. Boat nearly capsized. People screamed. Classic.

Spotted a duck doing unspeakable things to a croissant (someone call a priest).

Ate five ice creams and a blue tit. Stole someone’s picnic (they weren’t guarding it, fair game). Even tried flirting with one of them bronze statues — turns out it was an actual old bloke sunbathing. He’s alright now. I gave him a Werther’s and a pat on the head.

Anyway, cracking day. No arrests this time. Might come back next week and skinny dip in the Severn. Shrewsbury you’ve been warned.

Missing Wrexham Signs

Missing: 8 Magnetic Signs – Last Seen Minding Their Own Business

To the good folk of Wrexham,

The whispers have reached even the highest hilltops and deepest echoing caves…

Eight Wrexham Council magnetic signs, gone without a trace from Rhos Library. Stolen! Whisked away like a seagull stealing chips.

Let me be clear: I had nothing to do with it (my fridge isn’t even magnetic—I once hugged a fridge and it didn’t stick at all), but I’m deeply concerned.

So I’m launching my own giant-scale investigation:
Checked under my toenails – nothing
Looked behind the waterfall – just a soggy badger
Questioned Kevin the crow – he’s staying suspiciously silent and polishing something shiny…

If YOU see some shiny Wrexham Council signs somewhere they shouldn’t be, let the human authorities know (email enya.bellis-jones@northwales.police.uk). In the meantime, I’ll keep looking under suspicious hills and large sheep.

Yours gigantically (and totally innocently),

Me! The Wrekin Giants’ Fart Fumes — powered by folklore and questionable soup

The Drop Outlet has dropped off

The Drop Outlet, Southwater, Telford Town Centre, Telford, Shropshire, TF3 4BX

INCASE YOU MISSED THE NEWS: Telford’s The Drop Outlet Has Dropped Off!

Well, hold onto your knickers, Telford, because the sacred land of random bargains, weird gadgets, and bells that say “Ring for Sex” has SHUT ITS DOORS! That’s right, The Drop Outlet in Telford Town Centre has officially dropped… off the face of the retail map.

Now, as the Wrekin Giants’ Fart Fumes, I’ve trunched through many shops in my day — but none quite like this magical maze of madness. You go in for a gander and come out an hour later with a disco light, fake moustache, fake tan three shades too orange, and a spiritual awakening.

But now… it’s GONE. Poof. Just like my dignity after eating dodgy kebabs. Was it a money-hungry landlord who decided “you know what this shopping centre needs? More cobwebs and sadness!” Or did the staff finally get fed up with explaining “no we don’t do refunds for novelty willies”? Who knows the reason the shop shut? What I do know is: it’s a flippin’ shame.

Where are we supposed to get our last-minute Christmas gifts, now?!

May be an image of text that says "THE DROP OUTLET CLOSED SED"

Now the big question is… WHAT’S NEXT FOR THAT SPACE?!

• Left-Handed Spoon & Fork Depot?
• A Short Sleeve Shirt Shop?
• A Leftover Leftovers Takeaway?
• A shop that ONLY sells giant underpants? (asking for a mate. Me. I’m the mate.)
• A Greggs the size of Asda?

So tell me, Telfordians — what do YOU want to see replace it? Drop your thoughts below like prices used to drop in that glorious shop. ⬇️

RIP, The Drop Outlet.
You were weird, wild, and bloody wonderful.
We barely understood you, but we loved you deeply.

– The Wrekin Giants’ Fart Fumes (still lost in the drop outlet one-way system – send help and snacks)

B&M (Wrekin Retail Park)

Review of B&M, Wrekin Retail Park, Wellington, Telford, TF1 2DE

Hello me fellow Salopians!

Word on the wind (and Facebook) is that there’s a brand spanking new B&M at Wrekin Retail Park. It’s taken over from Homebase and it rocked up last week like MP Shaun Davies launching a local election campaign – loud, over-prepared, and definitely wearing a rosette.

Naturally, I stomped down for a nosy due to part curiosity, and part urge to sniff scentless candles and silently judge a lampshade. And let me tell you… it’s CUSHTY.

The shop is so big, you’ll need to pack a lunch to do it properly. It has two floors (posh), its own garden centre (with real flowers) and is rammed to the roof with useless kitchen gadgets, knock-off Yankee candles, 17 types of notepads… and bedding that hugs you back. It’s bladdy brilliant!

Or is it?!

Well I can tell yee, it’s not all bargain rainbows and gravy dreams. When I ventured in it was hotter than Satan’s armpit (and believe me I know what that’s like)! There was no air con (or if there was, it spiritually left the building). No escalator — just sweaty, judgemental stairs. And not even a lift (would 100% of farted in one though, if found).

I laughed. I sweated. I spent £74.36 and only remember about £3 of it.

I went in for bald head polish and a cheeky swig of grog.

Came out with:

Baby wipes (no baby, just vibes)
A 6-pack of B&M’s finest lager (tastes like pride and petrol)
A Whoopee Cushion (do not sit on it if you value your dignity)

So go on – get yourself down there.

Have a mooch. Sweat a bit. Leave £60 poorer, but spiritually fulfilled.

And with all the balloons, posters and grand opening hype, I’ve gotta say — spare a thought (and penny) for the poor shops nearby. B&M didn’t just open, it swaggered into town like Home Bargains’ flash cousin back from Dubai. Home Bargains has lost customers – staff have been clinging to mops for emotional support, watching their loyal shoppers leg it to B&M like traitors at a family BBQ. Now Home Bargains is quieter than your ex’s inbox!

I give B&M 8/10 (and the grog 11/10)!

Get your ass down there!

Local Legend Reawakens

Breaking news!

After a long long nap caused by:
eating 47 pickled eggs,
getting wedged under the Wrekin,
and knocking meself out with me own fart fumes…

I. HAVE. RETURNED!

Yes, Shropshire—The Wrekin Giants’ Fart Fumes is BACK online and ready to unleash unfiltered nonsense across Telford, Shrewsbury, and anywhere within sniffing distance.

If you like your content big, loud, and suspiciously scented, follow me for:
Unsolicited reviews of local businesses (Telford chippies beware)
Local news – as seen through my eyes and blasted out me arse
Deep and mostly useless thoughts (why does Shrewsbury have 18 types of bread?)
Gossip, tales, and the occasional wind-assisted prophecy

I’m on all the socials—Instagram, Facebook, TikyToky, Threads, Bluesky, even the cursed bird app—so give us a follow or I’ll send me pigeons to redecorate every statue in Telford.