Review of Home Bargains, Wrekin Retail Park, Telford, Shropshire.

Well if you wanna bag yourself a bargain then get yourself to Home Bargains! There are bargains screaming from every shelf and isle. Whether you need loo roll to wipe your arse, food to fatten your belly or fake plants to water, this place has got it!

If you wander down the toiletry isle, their are lotions and potions available, so if you wanna eradicate those blackheads or kiss goodbye to those nits, come grab yourself a bargain! There are ailments for snotty noses, cures for bad breath and even tablets to stop you farting! Hoorah!

If you wanna look like a beauty icon, come part with your much loved cash; you can buy mud to stick on your face and charcoal to stick on your teeth …. you wont feel robbed of your money at all!

If it’s things for the home you are after, there is washing powder for your glad rags and “Comfort” in a bottle – you can get rid of those skidders in no time!

There is also a range of food on offer, from “Smog Balls” to suck on and lollies to lick you will only be sorry that you didn’t come sooner.

So come support this wonderful business and grab a bargain today!

April 2019

Review of The William Withering (Wetherspoons), New Street, Wellington, Telford, Shropshire, TF1 1LU.

Well if you fancy getting high on tea or coffee then get your ass to Wetherspoons! In exchange for £1.30 you can get yourself a nice tasty brew! The cups are refillable but the only snag is, you have to make the drink yourself! *Cue evil laugh!*

If it’s a cheap night out you are after then this place can equip you with everything you need to get rat-arsed; with cheap drinks, bottle offers and even cocktail jugs, you too can have sex on the beach without breaking the bank!

Warning: Careful how much you guzzle, it’s a long trek and steep climb to the toilet (there is also a toilet downstairs for people with disabilities).

So at “Spoons” (as we “hip” ones like to call it!) there are plenty of seats to choose from and there’s even some nice large windows to look out from, if you fancy having a good old nosey at the town and the people passing by that is!

In the winter months their is usually a cushty warm fire going – so if you need a place to warm your tits up, then here it is!

The menu choices are reasonable. This pub has a 5*hygiene rating too, which means staff don’t pick their nose whilst cooking your food! Infact, you can have a good gorp at the chefs cooking your meal, as you can literally see into the kitchen through the serving hatch! How very exciting!

The staff are always helpful and friendly, but if you can’t be arsed to talk to them, or you are just plain anti-social, then simply download the Wetherspoons app and place your order via your phone instead! Job done!

If you like local history then this place is a feast for your eyes (as well as your belly)! There are portraits & facts about Wellington dotted about everywhere (each time you go in there you will probably spot something new)!

If it wasn’t for this place I would have no idea who Dr William Withering was; this dude was born in Wellington and he discovered “digitalis” (no “digitalis” is not the name of an STD, or linked with digital stuff in anyway, it is infact the name of a new cure he found to help treat heart disease)! Crikey! This man is a Saint!

Well done “Spoons” for doing your bit for Wellington! It’s nice to see a national pub chain, have such a local presence! Now get your ass in there!

Here is a portrait of the delicious Dr William Withering:

Thanks for reading!

Review of The Woolpack, Shawbirch, Telford, Shropshire, TF5 0LW on Sunday 31st March 2019.

Today (mothering sunday) we had luncheon at the Woolpack in Shawbirch, Telford. It took sometime finding the damn place; where the devil is it one may ask?! Well if you are smart enough to solve the cryptic clue, you will figure out that “Woo Pac” is actually Shawbirch for “Woolpack?!”. Right?!

As one approaches the bar (selling alcohol and probably fags) one will see a delightful poster advertising this family pub as a “drugs free zone”! It’s a gorgeous little poster decorated with razer blades, pills and everything and it’s just the poster you want your 10yr old son to see on mothers day! Yay! P.S. If you ever wondered where you can find a “drugs free zone” in Telford, this is it! Go to the Woo Pac! This pub has it all man!

So then we sat our buttocks down by an unlit fire (nice). In scanning around to admire the rough decor I noticed a nearby sign reminding guests not to throw anything in the fire (including napkins)! How wonderful! I’m just glad the sign didn’t feel the need to remind guests not to throw people in the fire too!

So time to check out the menu (which to be honest I felt rather sorry for) – it had some serious issues with stickiness (every time I opened the menu I could hear the page cry)! The menu offered bog-standard pub grub and the images of the food looked great (if you can see through the grime that is).

So next I needed the loo! Out of the 3 possible toilets available, 2x were “out of order” and the loo that was available, there was nil loo paper! Thanks Woo Pac for failing to meet our basic needs!

Happy mothers day druggies, napkin throwers & smelly arses!

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